Before I launch into the heart of this post, I am providing a disclaimer for those who may think I am a bad mom for pointing out that which I don’t like about my daughter: I love Margaret no matter what and wouldn’t want to change who she is – but I wouldn’t be honest if I said that there weren’t things about her that I wish I could change (desperately). Judge away if you must. Just know that I suspect I am not the only mom in the world to think this about her child/children. I am just being transparent about it.
Now that THAT is out of the way, lets get this rant started.
#1 – Margaret is addicted to Minecraft
Minecraft is Margaret’s faux boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that the object of her constant attention is an undeserving game and not an undeserving boy. But I am so tired of finding her playing that game. It consumes her. If left to her own devices, she would play that game until the neighbors complained about the stench from her living on the couch without bathing for a month. When they start giving away Minecraft scholarships, she has my Jewish-turned-Catholic blessing and can play nonstop. I’ll even learn to play!
#2 – Margaret is a “know it all”
Margaret is the smartest person she knows. She’s really, really smart, I’ll give her that. But who cares? There are few things I find more annoying than when she acts like she knows more than I do about pretty much everything. Look, it’s not a competition, and I am thrilled that she is smarter than me – but does she really think that the knowledge she’s accumulated in her 12 years of life on this earth equates the knowledge I’ve acquired after living 40-something years? This all started when she was 3. I’d be driving to the store or to the park and miss the turn and she’d say, as if disappointed at my ineptness (and with that smug look on her face that can still be construed as cute at that age), “Mommy, you were supposed to turn there.” Looking back, it’s like she derived satisfaction out of my foibles.
#3 – Margaret has a curiously selective memory
My daughter can remember the most granular of details. Trivial stuff like, what Bastet (the ancient Egyptian cat goddess) ate for breakfast on October 5, 290 or every lyric of Jon Cozart’s (aka Paint) latest Youtube parody. But come 5:00 pm. when the cat is stalking her and meowing his head off because he’s starving, she’s clueless. Until I yell, “Margaret, feed the cat!” to which she replies, “Oh yeah!”
#4 – Margaret is a drama queen – and a hypochondriac
I am not sure where she gets this from – the hypochondriac part. But believe me, it’s a bad combination. Everything spells D-R-A-M-A for Margaret. Her eyebrow is brushed by a passing fly and she’s going blind. She gets a little gas pain after scarfing her food and she’s curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth for the next two hours screaming, “IT FEELS LIKE 20 STEAK KNIVES ARE THRUSTING INTO MY STOMACH!!” The entire time. Nope, I’m not exaggerating. Let’s just say that we’ve gone to the pediatrician so much that if I were getting married, her pediatrician would be in my wedding party.
#5 – Margaret likes to manipulate me
Margaret is skilled at manipulation partially because she was born that way, and mainly because I’ve let her be. Sadly, I’ve fallen for her shenanigans countless times. Why? Because I am not practitioner of manipulation, so I’m not actively on the look out for people who use it as a technique to get what they want. Which makes me an easy target. Thankfully, my husband grew up with a few master manipulators and is giving me a crash course on identifying when Margaret is in manipulation mode. Essentially it boils down to this: if it seems like she’s full of crap, she is. I’ve become a fast learner.
So there you have it. I’m hopeful that if I can be a better mom, maybe next year there will only be a top 4, and the following year will be a top 3, and eventually none. In the meantime, I have a long list of things I do like about her. So stay tuned…